Do you struggle to accept compliments, no matter how factual they are? Do kind words and encouragement leave you feeling a bit cold? If so you’re not alone. Many of the clients I work with feel the same, especially those who come to me with low self esteem.
Traditionally you might have been advised to add daily affirmations to your day – stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself that “you are beautiful/intelligent/worthy” etc. I love a good affirmation, and have used them with clients in the past, however I’ve come to realise that if you have low self esteem good intentioned affirmations can actually cause you to feel worse.
Here’s why – there are many reasons that low self esteem can be created, including family dynamics, economic factors, gender, class, and personal successes and failures. These issues can create a whole host of limiting beliefs that require work to overcome. Back in 2001 the Joseph Rowntree Foundation found that people with low self-esteem are more likely to have been abused or bullied in the past, and in these extreme cases the highly charged emotions that are experienced would firmly cement any negative thoughts and feelings. Emotion is stronger than logic, and the strength of these beliefs will likely result in the affirmation being rejected.
So what can we do?
Now when I work with clients with low self-esteem, I focus on four areas:
- Gratitude, which is hard initially however I find really helps the client to start to move to a frame of mind where they can begin to feel more positive about life in general
- Freedom from trauma, unwanted feelings, and unwanted thoughts
- Removing limiting beliefs
- Building confidence
In future posts I will share some ideas on how you can work on these topics in your own time, however if you would like my help to move forward quickly drop me a line at laura@futureyoutherapies.com or click here to find out more.
Love
Laura x